Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
