we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
