i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
