i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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