I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
