the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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