Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
