I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
