how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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