That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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