i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
