So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
