one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
