READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
