I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
