remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
