I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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