there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
