I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
