see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
