let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
