that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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