Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You were trust falling into bushes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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