perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
