I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
