My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
