My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Couch. On fire.
we should paint friendship bongs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize