I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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