After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
