i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
