Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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