So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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