I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
