Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
