I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Randomize
