he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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