Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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