i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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