Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
