Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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