The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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