I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
