Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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