Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
