Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
