If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
