Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You are a genius and a whore.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
