This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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