she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My pussy is not your playground.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
