I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
