How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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