BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
