Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
