so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
