so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
