she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
