Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
