Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
