I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
