we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
