i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
