So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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