My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
