yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
