That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
