I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
