I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
