I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
