I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
