That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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