Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize