HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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